“The most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself .” - Diane Von Furstenburg

Have you watched the Netflix show "Never have I ever"?

The basic plot of the show is about American teenagers in high school and their angst. Particularly when it comes to matters of the heart.

"Devi" - one of the main characters gets dumped by her boyfriend (the school's hottie!)

Not because he didn't like her. But because...

Devi had no clue she was leaking icky repelling energy from her insecurities. That ultimately destroyed their connection.

And it really got me thinking...

Even though this character is a teenage girl - whom my teenage self can really relate to.

Relatability doesn’t end there.

Insecurities and low self-worth perpetuated all my romantic relationships until I was 41. When I had this big ahah moment...

...If I was the common denominator in all my relationships. Maybe just maybe I might have something to do with the relationships I was manifesting! (Yikes, awkward!)

And my insecurities and low self-worth didn't stop at effecting romantic relationships. They were also at the root of other unhealthy cycles:

• Excessive partying

• Issues with alcohol

• Body obsession

• Disordered eating and exercise.

But let’s put those aside for now.

"Whatever you want to reflected back to you in any area of life - you have to do it first".

My point is that it soon became very clear if I wanted to stop the nagging feeling I wasn’t enough, change my interactions with men and be in a healthy relationship.

I had to figure out what part of me was wreaking havoc in my love life. Because clearly, whatever it was needed attention. And if I didn’t “fix” it, things might never change and I DEFINITELY wasn’t available for that!

At this point, I fully accepted my role. I stopped blaming men. Playing a tinny tiny victim role, and telling myself “it’s just bad luck”. Because those had disempowered me and kept me stuck for long enough.

So this is what I did next...

1. I dived in and examined my relationship with myself👊

2. Uncovered and began healing my Big T and little t trauma

• I discovered big trauma and little trauma that I'd disregarded as having had no impact.
  

• I uncovered family patterns and programming that were not helpful.

• I dragged my core wounds reluctantly into the light.

• And peeled back the shame blanket that had hugged me tight for years.

3. Got curious about what my past relationships were showing me. (Turns out relationships are Mirrors)!

Yup, it's true all the men I'd dated or been in relationships with. Were all mirrors and reflected something to me about me.

And let me tell you that was one hell of an eye-opening, WTF moment!

The men I invited who were:

• Flakey 'AF'

• Emotionally unavailable

• Disrespectful

• Not clear on what they wanted

• Didn't value me

• Used me and tossed me to the side

• Didn't love me.

Reflected to me:

• The wounds and patterns that needed serious attention if I wanted things to change

• my level of self-worth and value (which if you couldn’t tell, it was in the toilet!).

• My childhood wounds

• My own emotional unavailability

• A lack of respect for myself.
  

• How little I loved myself at that time

• My lack of belief that I was good enough for what I wanted.

They showed me the relationship with myself and pointed me in the direction of what I need to change to move forward.

And I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me sad to think of past the versions of me and she didn't see how amazing she was.

BUT I also felt freakin’ liberated

Because now I understood what was truly happening - I had the power to do something about it!

"For you to bring something you desire into reality you must be its energetic match".

And here’s the truth about how the law of attraction and manifestation works...

For you to bring something you desire into reality you must be its energetic match.

Meaning that on a conscious and unconscious level you must:

1. Feel worthy of what you want

2. Believe what you want is possible

3. Embody the energy of what you desire before it becomes a reality.

4. Take inspired aligned action.

The simplest way think of it is like this...

Whatever you want to reflected back to you in any area of life - you have to do it first.

Meaning you need to embody the feelings and energy BEFORE it can get reflected back to you.

• If you want unconditional romantic love. You gotta be self-aware and on the path (you don't need to be pefect) to unconditionally accepting yourself. And developing the discipline of self-love first.

• If you want to feel worthy - you have to create that inside of you first

• If you are seeking success you have to feel successful first

• You won't get fully valued by another until you fully value yourself.

You have to access these feelings from within.

It can't be a conditional thing, i.e. you can't say, "When I find a relationship, THEN I will feel worthy and love myself."

"When I have X amount of money THEN I will feel abundant."

NOPE, you actually need to put the horse before the cart here.

Soo to manifest what you want. It starts with a solid foundation. And your foundation is your relationship with yourself.

To manifest the partner who is all the things you want them to be…

• Authentic

• Someone who sees and you hears you

• Open and honest

• Loves you unconditionally

• Values you and your worth

• Emotionally available

• Respectful

And so on - you get the picture. Basically someone plastered with green flags versus red ones. The relationship with yourself needs to resemble this.

But, let's be real for a minute

Depending on where you are at right now - this ain’t happening overnight.

It’s gonna need a commitment to doing the inner work.

A commitment to practising being the new you before you’ve truly created the change inside. This is one of the things you have to do to help lay new pathways in your brain.

Oh and BTW on reflection of my journey. I could have fast-forwarded my process if I hadn’t pieced it all together myself- which was a HUGE challenge. Think spaghetti and wall!

There's SO MUCH manifestation, personal development, and healing information in the cyber world. It can feel overwhelming and make it difficult to know where to start.

You feel me?

But on the upside, my DIY journey allowed me to figure out what you need to do and what you DON'T need to do.

And this has allowed me to create courses and a membership for any woman who wants an easier and more efficient journey! (You're welcome)!

Let's get practical!

Here are some things you need to do (view yourself as your own architect and builder) to manifest a better relationship with yourself. And as a result allow the love you desire to magnetise in your direction.

• Create the vision of what you want your own relationship to look and feel like

• Map out the action steps you need to take

• Take aligned action to build a healthy relationship with yourself.

  Aka do the inner work. Learn to master your inner environment and your emotions. (When you master these OHHHH BOOYYY does life change)!

• Find ways to stay connected to your vision without being obsessive

• Have GO TO tools to use when you feel old patterns kicking in

• Build a strong trust muscle with yourself and the universe

• Develop unshakeable self-worth

• Practice the discipline of self-love - self-respect - self-compassion - self-acceptance

• Practice being the new you every day

Things to know

• You don't have to love every part of yourself but you do need to be working on acceptingevery part of yourself

• You don't have to be perfect just authentic and fully expressed

• When you up-level and raise your standards in the relationship with yourself. Everything else in your life follows

• You do not have to be a perfectly healed human to date. But you do need awareness and know how to manage your sh*t so it doesn’t sabotage you

Aligned Action that strengthens and up levels the relationship with yourself

• Learn to feel your feelings - process and release them from the body

• Embody your powerful feminine energy.

  An easy way to do this is to prioritise pleasure and beauty. Try dressing up your space. Lighting candles and sit and enjoy every mouthful of something delicious.

• Prioritise your needs - How? One-word BOUNDARIES!!

  A simple place to start is to say NO to things that NO longer serve you.

  From the things in your home to the people you choose to spend most of your time with.

  Anything that's no longer aligned with you -- it's time to start saying NO to it!

• Up-level your habits

  Look at the habits you have in your life and explore ways to upgrade them to ones that uplift and nourish you more.

  This can be anything from what you consume to how you spend your free time.

• Audit and master your mind

  Begin to choose better thoughts that align with the person you're working on becoming. Because to embody a new way of being you need to think, act choose and believe different things.

  One simple way you can interrupt unhelpful thoughts is by doing this:

  1.Notice - the low vibe thought that no longer serves you

  2.Name it - "I hear you saying to me I’m not good enough"

  3.Call it out - "But I know that thought is BS"

  4.Release -” SO I choose to let this thought go now BYEEEEEEEE!"

  5.Replace - And now I choose to think this thought instead “I know I am enough and I am safe to believe this thought”

  
  

Rinse and repeat any time you experience intrusive thoughts.

Finally

I want you to know this...

The more you practice making decisions rooted in unshakeable self-worth. Accept who you are and open up your eye to how amazing you TRULY are.

The more you project energy that becomes magnetic to your desires.

Over time alongside continuing to do the inner work to heal. Reprogram your love imprint and clean up any energy leaks. You will see the good sh*t starting to manifest.

And if it's not happening don't stress.

It's probably a sign you still have shifts to make before you can receive it. And always remember what’s meant for you will not pass you.

Comment and let me know.