I love Italian food. I have a great traditional Italian restaurant not that far from my flat in central London.

When I visit this restaurant once I place my order - normally a pizza with egg and spinach or linguine with seafood. All I do next is sit back and trust that the food will arrive in due course.

While I wait I don't ...

• Practise mind witchery and intensely focus my thoughts on the food to make sure it appears.

• Feel the need to keep reordering my food every 5 minutes to guarantee it will arrive!

• Attach myself to the food getting delivered in a specific number of minutes. On a particular coloured plate by a particular member of staff and carried in a particular way!

I trust that I’ve done my part and the only action I need to take is...

• Wait

• Enjoy myself

• Be open to receiving the food when it's delivered!

So what does this have to do with today’s blog?

Well as the title suggests the topic on the menu today is letting go of control while manifesting.

And although I'm not suggesting that all it takes to manifest your desires is to place an order then sit back and wait for it to arrive. There is an element of truth to that.

We can’t control when, how or what will arrive. So part of your manifestation process is being intentional and clear about what you want. Yes. But then...

• Releasing control over how and when it appears

• Remaining open to it arriving in a different package. (Which will always be better!)

• Taking the right action. (In my world this gets split into inspired action and aligned action. Which honours one of the laws of manifestation which is the law of action)

• All in a non-controlling way.

But I know how challenging it can be to ease up on the controls. To trust that you don’t need to keep reordering to ensure what you want arrives!

In this article I break down 3 things you can do to: stay in alignment with your manifestation, while loosening your hands from the steering wheel and enjoying your life right now.

So grab your favourite beverage and let's dive in!

5 different truths behind the need to control (one or all may apply and this is not a exhaustive list)

Here are some common truths behind the urge to control outcomes:

1. Fear of what will happen if we aren’t in control

   At the root of this is an unconscious pattern of not feeling safe so we lack the trust that regardless of an outcome we will always be ok. (The unconscious mind's primary role is chief safety officer).

2. The discomfort of being in the backseat

   It feels unsafe because we haven’t built up our trust and faith **in the universe. And again this is paired with a lack of trust that we will be OK regardless of the outcome. (**for me I’m not religious, so when I refer to faith it’s not in a religious way)

3. Believing our way is the best way and only way (which is ego).

   Which means we remain closed off to there being a different and even better way for something to become our reality.

4. Low self-worth. Not believing we are enough or loveable right now.

   If you've attached any of the above to your manifestation. Then naturally you have a sense of urgency behind your manifestation coming true. You have a lot riding on it. And this urgency that pushes the impulse to control.

5. Being in a lack and scarce mindset

   When you believe there isn't enough to go around. It can make you feel that things must happen NOW or you might miss out. So you will try and control things to speed them up.

I know I’m trying to control when…

• Even though intuitively I know that what I’m doing is enough I have loud voices inside my head telling me it's not enough and when those voices are on blast my body feels rigid and I feel panicked

• I’m taking action with urgency, panic and frustration behind it

• I'm trying to force my process

• I feel anxious and stressed about what I need to do next.

• I feel I need to do more and more. (Which often takes me down rabbit holes to try more and more manifestation rituals. Which leave me feeling more confused and frustrated than before)!

The problem with control/force energy and manifesting under pressure

Leading with this approach, in this energy will bite you on the ass. You gotta let go of force, pressure, urgency and time lines.

Why?

When you lead with these to try and manifest ANYTHING. You communicate with the unconscious mind that this is a life and death situation.

Which makes the chief safety officer (the unconscious mind)...

1. Panic and feel unsafe

2. Switch to GO mode. Set off alarms and systems and fight to restore safety however necessary.

And when all systems are activated and your actions are motivated by panic, the result are;

• A projection of repelling energy that pushes away what you want

• You continue to experience the same results. (Which aren’t what you want consciously. But they feel as safe as houses and as familiar as a cosy sweater to the unconscious. And that's all it cares about).

So thats the some facts laid out. Now it's time for the 3 tips.

3 things to help let go of control while feeling confident you’re still aligned with your manifestation

Tip 1: Instead of doing more, do less.

Often we don’t see signs or feel nudges directing us to the next inspired or aligned action step because we’re so busy doing all the things. And believing that we must control everything or it won’t work out.

And I get that my suggesting to DO less and BE still more might feel alien and fu**ing uncomfortable for you because you've spent a great deal of your life getting conditioned to believe more is better.

And I also understand that in some situations in life that's necessary. BUT I know for FACTS that in many situations it’s also not. So you have to decondition your mind from the idea that you have to do it all. And condition it to know that's it's ok and safe for you to find more stillness every day using the JST technique.

The J.S.T

The Just Sit There technique is literally that!

Intentionally making time to sit in silence, no distractions and listen inwardly. To hear your inner dialogue and give the voice of your higher self a chance to heard.

And the great thing is you can ask your inner world for help.

You can ask clarity-seeking questions such as:

• “What would you have me know about…(insert manifestation)”

• “What is my immediate next best step?”

• “Is there anything I’m avoiding that I need to look at to help me with this manifestation?"

If you don't hear anything, take that as a sign there isn’t anything to act on right now. Besides living your life. Taking aligned and inspired actions. As well as making decisions and doing things that:

• Make you feel good

• Match the person you want to be

• Match the person who already has what you want.

When I started to focus on manifesting money I spent a lot of time in J.S T.!!

It helped me uncover the work I had to do around my financial health before I could start manifesting the money I wanted.

For example I had to:

• First of all face the reality of where I was and take responsibility for it

• Identify the unhelpful tape recordings I had in my unconscious mind about money. Then reprogram and rewire them

• Work through unconscious beliefs that didn’t support my money desires

• Change my spending habits. For example, stop spending on items that do not align with my value system.

This area of my manifestation journey has improved dramatically. I’ve manifested some big amounts over the last year. But it's defo still a work in progress. But everything I’ve listed above leads me closer to my ultimate financial manifestation.

But if my main focus was on the end outcome and controlling how fast and how it would happen. The likelihood is I would never have seen the signs guiding me to the path I needed to take.

And the the same is true about the way I manifested my partner.

I sat in J.S.T and it helped me get clear so I could set the intention for the relationship I wanted.

Once I'd done that I let go of the when, how and focused on:

• Rewiring my unconscious mind to feel safe so I could be open to receiving a hot, available, kind man!

• Following the signs given to me

  Which led me to heal my old relationship shit. And then took me onto Tinder one night where I met my partner nearly 3 years ago now!

How to perform the J.S.T

1. Sit comfortably in a quiet space

2. Set an alarm for 30 minutes

3. Have a pen paper handy

4. Pose a question ( or not) and sit in silence till the alarm sounds. Writing down anything notable as it comes up.

Tip 2: Create safety for the unconscious mind

I cannot stress this enough if you are not manifesting what you want. It's because for some reason your unconscious mind feels that what you want is a threat to your safety.

And when the unconscious mind feels unsafe it will do anything it can to restore safety.Which unfortunately leads to...

...self sabotage (self-sabotage is literally born from the unconscious feeling unsafe)

... projection of an energy that repels what you want.

So to break the cycle you have to to identify where the lack of safety is coming from and then create safety for the unconscious mind.

And to help you find the root. I want you to reflect over your life from 0 and ask “is there any possibility I have ANY hurt that I haven’t healed from?”

Because the truth is. If you have past hurts stemming back to childhood that haven’t been fully processed and cleared. (Both BIG T and small t) That's where the lack of safety is coming from.

FYI: When you're reflecting on this you have to think about this through the lens of your younger self not from your adult conscious mind.

Once you’ve brought the unconscious pattern/negative belief into awareness. That's when the conscious mind can take charge of the unconscious mind. And begin the deep rewiring process to bring your programs up to date.

In the first Thrive and Manifest membership (which launches at the end of March) you will have access to these deeper rewiring tools.

You also need to gather evidence for the unconscious mind that doing the things it wants to avoid is safe.

How do you do that?

By doing the things that scare you the most!

SIDE-NOTE: You will know that the unconscious is feeling safer by how your body responds. The unconscious always fires up the nervous system when threatened. So when you notice your nervous system feels calmer when you face certain things. That's down to the unconscious feeling safer.**

** I think of the unconscious/ subconscious like a baby animal. It's primitive and will do anything to survive. So it needs you to gently coax it and make it feel safe so it stops fighting you.

2 tips down 1 to go!! Which leads us into the final one.

Tip 3: Lean into knowing you already have what you want

Where there's desire it shows that something is meant for you. And in the future, you already have what you want.

Imagine yourself at one end of a bridge. And your future self (who already has what you want) is on the other side of bridge.

For you and your manifestation to be united you have to get to the other side of the bridge. Meet your future self and hug!

So your manifestation process is to close the gap between you and your future self.

How? So glad you asked!

• By staying in the present moment and making decisions as your future self

• By BEing in the energy of that future version of you as much as possible in your life now. (this happens the more you make decisions as if you were in their shoes).

I like to view each decision as either a step forward on the bridge or a non-step that keeps you where you are.

I suggest developing rituals that help connect you with that future life. These rituals should create feelings of fun, excitement, lightness. And instil peace and calm not panic.

And let's talk about rituals (things like the 369 method, lucky girl method etc) for a sec...

• Rituals are to enhance the manifestation process but they won’t make or break what you manifest.

• On their own (for most people) they won't support continual growth in what you are manifesting . In fact on their own they might not support you manifesting at all. Often using rituals gives you sporadic manifestation but then you get stuck.

• Rituals are like nutritional supplements. They are supplementary and not a replacement for a solid healthy balanced diet. You can’t eat crap and expect supplements to be healthy. To be fully effective they must get paired with a solid manifestation foundation.

• Rituals shouldn't create panic or trigger worry that what you want won't manifest if you don't do them. I experienced this. I had a phase of frantically writing 100 affirmations about something I wanted.

When I took a step back and felt the energy this was communicating, I felt panic and pressure. Which as mentioned earlier will repel what we want and attract more of what we don't want.

• When you use rituals check in with why you’re utilising them. And how they make you feel about your manifestation.

• If you notice they give you an energy of lack or force then give them a break. But if they create fun and excitement, use them AND do your deeper inner work.

SIDE-NOTE: A solid manifestation foundation is...

• An unconscious mind that isn’t in conflict with your want and knows it's safe to receive what you desire

• The ability to regulate your nervous system

• Beliefs, thoughts, feelings, actions and habits that create an energetic alignment with what you want.

• A capacity to receive what you want + be open to receiving more.

One helpful daily ritual I use..

Setting the intention to show up as my future self. So I invite you to give that try. I find it so effective because it reminds me that my future self isn't worrying about the why or how or trying to control anything.

She already has what she wants! So all she needs to do is live her life, make choices, think and take actions that supports what she has. So that's all I have to do. Tap into and copy her way of being in the world!

When it comes to my own manifestation journey...

I have a peaceful yet focused energy that allows me to...

• Hold the intention

• Follow inspired and aligned action

• WHILE having fun and never really stressing or second guessing that what I want is already done.

Sure I get impatient and doubtful at times. I’m a human after all. But those times are fleeting. And more often than not a sign that my inner child. Or another part of my beautiful unconscious mind needs some attention and soothing.

I hope this has been a helpful insight into how to let go while manifesting. If you need support with your manifestation process, check this out and sign up for your free gift below. See you next week.